I saw a meme on the Internet and it got me thinking about my life. As best I can tell, so far in my life, I have been loaned three angels.

The first angel was the mother who brought me into this world. She taught me how to be happy with little or no money and helped me learn to work for what I wanted. She helped me grow up and make it through my childhood, teenage and early college years without dying or being seriously maimed.

About the time she left this world, the second angel appeared in the form of my first wife Carol. She helped me learn to be an adult and guided me through my early adulthood and into my middle years. She gave me two wonderful children and taught me about living within my means and planning for the future. She also taught me to believe in myself and question the world around me.

Shortly after she left this world, The third angel arrived in the form of my second wife Deb. Deb lifted me from the pit of despair and ill health caused by being the constant care giver for Carol throughout her lengthly illnesses in later life. Deb showed me the world was really a wonderful place if you took the time to get organized. She showed me how make new friends, make phone calls and above all help others as they helped me discover the wonders of the world around me.

Now that my third angel has departed this world I can only wonder what is waiting for me on the horizon. It is my hope and prayer that when the time is right and it causes no problems for others, that I be afforded a fourth angel to watch over me in my later years. I am in good health and ready to take on whatever life brings.

I know I was not worthy of the first three angels and it is unlikely that I will be worthy of yet a fourth angel, but I have learned that each of us must ask for what we want or we will surely never get it; therefore, it is with great humility that I ask for a fourth angel. I am sure there is still much to learn and do and I need another guide.

I promise I will cherish the fourth angel as much as still cherish the first three. I know I will have to change, but I am ready to start the process whenever the fourth angel arrives. I have often said, there are not many people that get the chance to start over in life, but I would be eternally grateful if I received the chance to start over once again with yet another perfect angel by my side.

I wrote the above portion of this article right after Deb passed away. It is now over one year later and i have made it through all the associated sadness and grief with the help of many great friends and family. I think I may have met the person I hope is my fourth angel, and as I requested, she is wildly different from the other three.

As I reflect on my life, I have come to understand I not only learned from each of my earlier angels, but I also learned from the transition between angles.

I arrived at this conclusion as I sat last evening looking through photographs of my Alaska trip to find images to put on my new web site. While flipping through thousands of pictures, I discovered an interesting phenomenon. Most of my memories are connected with individual people earlier in my life. Every time I recalled a memory, I also remembered the person with which I shared that memory. The music I heard and the pictures I took in high school reminded me of my mother and father, Louise Cadenhead - my high school sweetheart, my teachers, and the people of the church. The music and pictures of my college days remind me of my dad, some of the college professors, the Myers family, the people of Chi Psi, and Carol. My work life memories are associates with my mother and dad, Carol's mother and dad, Carol, my daughter, my son, and the people I worked with. My retirement is associated with my son, my daughter, my daughters family, Deb, Deb's family, Deb's friends and the mob ( A group we met online and caravaned with through Canada).

As I look back, each phase of my life ended in tragedy of one kind or another. When I left for high school, I left my high school friends and my family moved to a new city so I could never return to the home where I spent my childhood. When I left college, I left my college friends, the Myers, and my father, then my mother died, later Carol died, some of my work associates died then most recently Deb died. In each case, as my memories are recalled, the tragedy associated with that memory is brought back to my mind and some of them make me so sad I cried.

As I ponders these thoughts I noticed that at the start of each new phase of my life I began to make new memories with a new set of people. As the new memories began to accumulate, the hurt, sadness and other emotions connected to the earlier memories seems to fade away. By that I mean the memories are still vivid, but are no longer connected with the emotions I experienced at the time. After I was at college, the memories of high school no longer made me sad because I started making memories in college with the Myers, my mom and dad, and the folks at Chi PsI. The same for leaving college. As I was leaving college, I was already making memories with Carol, then came my daughter and son.

When Carol died those memories hurt, but my granddaughters insisted I section hike the Appalachian trail with them. That provided lots of great memories associated with them. Then I met Deb. After a few months I was making memories with Deb and the emotions connected to the memories of Carol faded away. It has now been more than a year and the hurt from the loss of Deb has still not faded as I discovered when I looked at the vivid pictures of her on the Alaska trip. I would see a picture of Deb driving the motorhome or standing by the Alaska-Canada border sign and sadness would engulf me. At first I wondered why, then after pondering my reactions and sleeping on the matter, I realized that I am stuck in the doldrums.

I am going through life making memories about people not with people. I do not yet have a angel that is with me all the time who shares my desire to make new memories. Without new memories I may never get over the loss of Deb and that thought is troublesome. I have come to the full realization that I need a fourth angel to share my life, teach me new things, show me the world through their eyes and to make new memories with me. If history is any guide, once that happens, the hurt and sadness connected to the memories of Deb will fade away just like all the other times in may life leaving only the happy memories to cherish.

I guess I knew this instinctively, but had never though through the entire scenario. Even without thinking I was hoping the new angel in my life would be the solution. That is why I wrote the first section of this document. With my new understanding my fourth angel would be my new memory making partner, but so far that has not worked out. I keep looking, One day when I least expect it my fourth angel will arrive on golden wings and I will be off on more memory making adventures. Meanwhile I will continue to build these pages to let others see the world through my eyes.

I ask that each of you have an angels in your life that helps you make wonderful memories you can cherish forever.